Thursday, April 29, 2010

first impressions

Auntie Kareena went to get you when you were crying at supper time. She came down just amazed saying, "wow, she's so happy to see me and she doesn't even know me! She's just smiling at me even on the change table. I didn't know that babies liked getting their diaper changed!"

And that is what you do these days. You draw in people with your sweet gummy smile. Anyone who takes the time to talk to you, you give them a huge gummy smile.

Today as we ran around running errands. You didn't sleep well in the carseat. So you cried the soft "wah.... wah" cry when you are tired. Sleeping in the car is hard for you, but I've found out something new about you today. You are quite happy to skip your nap as long as you're looking at my face! As soon as I plopped you in your carseat into the stroller, you saw my face and you opened your mouth wide greeting me with a huge gummy smile! But when we returned to the car and I plopped you back into the car facing backward, you cried immediately. And then we would stop and I'd get you out, and you'd be smiling again. Back and forth we went, and today, I concluded that you may be just the extroverted type. And one happy little girl to make others happy with your smiling eyes and huge grin.

Friday, April 16, 2010

After the birth: jogging my memory

Your first 2 months of life have been a full one. I had abandoned the idea of writing blogs because I'd rather spend the time with you kids. But there is real treasure in writing and keeping notes about things that I swore I would never forget. And to find them later and read them is so sweet.

Your middle name "Grace" is particularly important to me because God's grace is constant in my life. I need His grace to parent. And You are a gift of grace to me because of the timing of when you have entered our lives. This I will write about soon, but for now, just the first 2 months.

Breastfeeding really started with a breeze. You latched on within 2 hours and had many feeds. I had some "toe-curling" pain like the first moments twice before. But the fortunate thing about previous difficult experiences, is that I reaped the reward of experience. I didn't let you latch on too long if it hurt. I could hear the lactation nurse Jackie (that we paid $50 for!, but well worth the money) say, "A proper latch should not be toe-curling pain." I remember evaluating whether or not I was curling my toes or not. When I started to curl my toes, I would pull the side of your mouth to relieve the suction and start again. I also remembered the mommy friend of mine that lost a "piece" of her because she just pushed through and she was in so much pain and was so "beat up" from breastfeeding, she actually lost a piece of her! Ouch! I actually want to stay in one piece so I kept unlatching you until we got it right. You're a smart little cookie too, you got it right away. Someone thinking I am a mommy for the first time, might actually be deceived into thinking that breastfeeding is easy to get started.

Week 1, you surprised us all with a series of roll overs! I captured it on video and posted it to facebook to let our world to see. One person, Lily Taylor said, something to the effect that we should sign you up for Olympics 2030!

Ah the Olympics. That first week, I came home to plop myself in front of the TV and watch the Olympics the whole week, among other re-discovered shows like "What not to wear" and "Super Nanny". ...

to be continued


Your birth

A brief story about your birth. We were scheduled for a c-section on Feb 7. As I got ready for the next day, 8pm to be exact, I received a call from the nurse at the hospital that our surgery has been postponed til further notice. It didn't seem like she was even going to give me an explanation until I pressed for one. There was an infection in the nursery so you were safer inside me than outside. Although the practice is that after birth you would end up next to me in the little bassinet, but they wanted to make sure there was a place for you should complications arise. So I was to wait til the next morning for further notice. Dr. Elliot, our Obstetrician did call that night to tell me that we would not expect to give birth to you til at least Wednesday.

My thoughts at the time, "what will I do for 3 more days?!" I was, we all were, eager to meet you. Hannah & Elijah had already gone to bed, expecting to wake up and not necessarily see me. So when they awoke the next morning, it was a bit disappointing for all of us that I was still at home. However, at least I didn't have to tell them I wasn't going to the hospital at all that morning. Dr. Elliot called at 6:30 am and told me just to be ready to go because there was a chance I would go in for the surgery. So ready I was. I felt like my emotions were being toyed with, with much anticipation and yet just embracing the unknown and the timing of things. Then we got the call that we are to go in. But I was still told that I may not give birth that day. More waiting. More waiting. No one knew anything. There were no answers. I was sitting in the triage area, fully gowned, hair covered, papers signed. Then the nurse came to give me an IV. A midwife in training asked for permission to put the IV in my left hand. I look away as she held my hand and poked me, it hurt. She said, "oh, my bad." Uh, not something you want to hear when you're getting prodded with a huge needle. I peeked and a pool of blood stained the crisp white sheet just under my hand. She forgot to hold the top of the vein while she poked the huge thing in. The discomfort was barely bearable. I was very relieved when it slipped out of it's place 24 hours later.

By 11:00 a doctor came up to me and said, "Hi, I'm Dr. Jaddi, I'll be your surgeon." He got me some papers, I signed it. He came back and asked me, "are you getting your tubes tied?" "yes" and that was the extent of conversation I had with him. I was disappointed that Dr. Elliot didn't explain to me that she would not be doing my surgery. It may as well have been because I may have opted to go home and come back when she was available.

I was nervous about the surgery. I didn't cry this time as the needle went into my spine. Instead of waiting for the anesthetist to find out I hate needles, I told him, "I hate needles." He said something smart like, "that's nice information, but it's too late." The anesthetist had about 35 years experience. So he was an old guy and did something different from the guy who was there for both Hannah and Elijah's birth. After the spinal went into my back, they laid me down very quickly. Strapped my arms down like I was on the crucifix, pulled up the curtain... they always move so fast... That was also the moment for me to tell the nurse, "I want to give my baby a kiss when she comes out." As I felt my legs go numb, (the first time they told me they would feel like tree trunks, so I always visualize my legs turning into tree trunks), the oxygen mask went on. I started to feel the familiar nausea. As usual, I hated the oxygen mask. Ironically it made me feel like I was suffocating. The nurse held one of those curvy pans next to my hear for throwing up as I started to gag. And of course, of all things, the anesthetist had a hearing problem! So I was weakly telling him "I can't breath." He would say, "what!" And I would muster all strength to say it again. The nurse heard me and repeated to him, "she says she can't breathe!" Then when I told him I was nauseous, that was really painful, "I'm gonna throw up." "What did you say!!" "I'm gonna throw up!" "What?!" With the nurse holding the pan next to my head, I think he got the picture. The anesthetist quickly put something in the I.V. and he said I didn't need to worry, he just gave me something for anti-nausea. This anti-nausea also was instrumental in my immediate recovery. Instead of throwing up every I gobble down because I am so starved after the surgery, I gobbled food nausea free! Ah I have the c-section mastered after the 3rd, yet there shall be no more. Sad, but I'm ok with that.

The usual pulling, tugging happened. I heard someone say, "I see her face!" But after the strong pulling and tugging, there was more pulling and tugging. It seemed a bit strange that they were pulling and tugging for so long. I didn't think much of it. I heard no cry when they pulled you out. I think I was a bit suspicious, but I didn't suspect anything, because think I just trusted the doctors. Later, when I saw a mark on your face, I asked the nurse about it. It turns out that the doctor had to use forceps to get you out. The video footage of them cleaning you up explained more. They sucked all the goop out of your nose and mouth and actually tried to make you cry. Eventually you did, and that's when I heard you from the little table where they were taking care of you and wiping you down. Then the little bundle Naomi was present to me for a kiss. What a sweet moment.

The long term recovery was a whole other story... but that's for another day.

2 months

Today: 9 weeks old/2 months +
Smiles all around: You love to smile at people talking to you. You love the mobile of the 3 little friends you have, you smile at them even from 8 feet away when I have you on the nursing pillow after a feed. You smile at the flowers on your wall. You smile at me when you're done eating. A few times when you were not hungry, you opened your mouth and just smiled at me instead of eating. Little coos come from your sweet mouth. The gummy smile melts everyone's hearts. Since you met Papa, less than a week ago, you are enthralled with his gentle growing.

I love when you're eating your little hands and feet just move around slightly and constantly. And I also love when you grab the neck of my shirt as you gulp away. You've managed to gulp and gulp when the flow comes fast too, but I need to lean back a little so the gravity helps the flow from going too strong.